
This may seem like a ridiculous question to ask, but I need to. There is enough cultural momentum to ask the question but cultural momentum often goes unnoticed, so the question hasn’t been asked, yet.
And there is enough media momentum to ask the question but to question media darlings by “second guessing” their philosophy, motives and message, typically gets one a black eye; socially. After all, ”they’re just entertainers, we’re their fans and their our icons (idols), so leave them alone, how dare you” – or so goes the rebuke.
But now its official. I finally get to ask the question. Men’s relevance is a matter of statistical doubt.
You may have missed it, but a report is just in that suggests men’s relevance may not be in vogue any longer. The New York Times, reported by Sam Roberts, asks the question – and then gives us a sobering answer, based on new census data – here is the story…
“Who needs a man? Not most women”
“Delaying vows or loving freedom, after divorce, 51% live without spouse”
New York Times, Jan 16, 2007
Let me share a few quotes from this fascinating article then go on to make a couple of points. Here goes …
• For what experts say is probably the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one, according to a New York Times analysis of census results. In 2005, 51 percent of women said they were living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.
• Coupled with the fact that in 2005, married couples became a minority of all American households for the first time, the trend could ultimately shape a range of social and workplace policies
• "This is yet another of the inexorable signs that there is no going back to a world where we can assume that marriage is the main institution that organizes people's lives,"
• William H. Frey, a demographer with the Brookings Institution, a research group in Washington, described the shift as "a clear tipping point, reflecting the culmination of post-1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women. For better or worse, women are less dependent on men or the institution of marriage," Mr. Frey said. "Younger women understand this better and are preparing to live longer parts of their lives alone or with non-married partners. For many older boomer and senior women, the institution of marriage did not hold the promise they might have hoped for, growing up in an Ozzie and Harriet era."
And, finally this, listen to what some of the women have to say about his trend…
• Carol Crenshaw, 57, of Roswell, Ga., was divorced in 2005 after 33 years and says she is in no hurry to get married again. "I'm in a place in my life where I'm comfortable," said Ms. Crenshaw, who has two grown sons. "I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I was a wife and a mother. I don't feel like I need to do that again."
• Similarly, Shelley Fidler, 59, a public policy adviser at a law firm, has sworn off marriage altogether. She moved from rural Virginia to the vibrant Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington, D.C., when her 30-year marriage ended.
• "The benefits were completely unforeseen for me," she said. "The free time, the amount of time I get to spend with friends, the time I have alone, which I value tremendously, the flexibility in terms of work, travel and cultural events."
There you have it. At least half of unmarried women are in no hurry to become wedded or even connected to a male. Why is that?
By their own testimony they don’t “need to do that again”. Without a male spouse they enjoy “benefits” such as time alone or with friends, flexibility in career and pleasure”.
And what are the reasons for this migration away from marriage and the spiritual/social institution of two being made one”? Wasn’t marriage God’s idea to eliminate loneliness and make humanity – “happier”?
Well, things have changed, now there are several reasons to opt out of a biblical lifestyle, according to modernists. The new your times article mentions several;
• Several factors are driving the statistical shift. At one end of the age spectrum, women are marrying later or living with unmarried partners more often and for longer periods of time.
• At the other end, women are living longer as widows and, after a divorce, are more likely than men to delay remarriage, sometimes delighting in their newfound freedom
• The culmination of post-1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women."
I would also add the cultural pressure relayed to the masses through media by the many media personalities today, such as those interviewed by “Oprah” or “Ellen” and those in “The View”; who have been proclaiming independence for females for years. And since information forms our mind, and thinking forms our beliefs and beliefs are always acted out in behavior we become what we ingest. As one author expresses it; “since the explosion of radical feminism in the mid-60’s, the importance of men and their roles as husbands and fathers has been under relentless attack.” (Karl Day, Washington watch, Feb, 2000, volume 11 – number 5). And now we see that born out in statistical fact.
However, I believe that the predominant reason women are opting out of long term relationships with men are because of the growing indifference to the needs of women by men. In other words, if men treated women well, that is biblically, it would be hard to convince women to opt for self fulfillment in a singles life style.
The social statistics on men are not very encouraging. I have recorded them earlier, in other writings, so won’t bore you now with the redundancy. But consider the worst of male behavior; family absenteeism, alcoholism, spousal and child abuse, infidelity, homosexuality, workaholicism, and basic criminal behavior and men far and away lead the statistical categories in irresponsibility. And nobody, much less a responsible woman, wants to baby sit an irresponsible adult, especially an offensive male!
Add to that the surge in educational and career opportunities for women, the rise of financially successful women as well as the acceptance, even emphasis for new, social categories such as feminism, divorce, lesbianism and other non traditional life styles and it is no wonder that we finally reached (in only 40 short years) that sociological “tipping point” the Dr. Frey mentions.
What’s the solution? We need an immediate repentance by men, of apathy and neglect; and a resurgence of biblical living – which includes the care and complement of a spouse and family – provide, protect and pastor? Men need to give, care and serve more like Christ.
Men are called to this high and noble position, biblically, as I’ve spelled out in “Man of Honor” and many men fulfill this role, but today we are in an emergency situation where we need men to lay aside personal achievement and make it a mission to reclaim the family.
Men are capable of selfless heroism. And a concerted effort on our part to take care of our relational responsibilities will catch the attention of this watching but cynical world, and once again give us a chance to take our place as relevant.
As example I refer you to Peggy Noonan’s article of October 12, 2001, “Welcome Back Duke”, as she experienced a transformation of viewpoint on men as a result of watching their heroism of the men engaged in the 911 attacks.
I refer you now to a few quotes below as well as to her article, placed on her website in her archives list, so that you may read her article in full – it is worth it. (http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/archive/)
“I am experiencing Sept. 11 not as a political event but as a spiritual event.
And, of course, a cultural one, which gets me to my topic.
It is not only that God is back, but that men are back. A certain style of manliness is once again being honored and celebrated in our country since Sept. 11. You might say it suddenly emerged from the rubble of the past quarter century, and emerged when a certain kind of man came forth to get our great country out of the fix it was in. I am speaking of masculine men, men who push things and pull things and haul things and build things, men who charge up the stairs in a hundred pounds of gear and tell everyone else where to go to be safe…
You didn't have to be a fireman to be one of the manly men of Sept. 11. Those businessmen on flight 93, which was supposed to hit Washington, the businessmen who didn't live by their hands or their backs but who found out what was happening to their country, said goodbye to the people they loved, snapped the cell phone shut and said, "Let's roll." Those were tough men, the ones who forced that plane down in Pennsylvania. They were tough, brave guys…
manliness wins wars. Strength and guts plus brains and spirit wins wars. But also, you know what follows manliness? The gentleman. The return of manliness will bring a return of gentlemanliness, for a simple reason: masculine men are almost by definition gentlemen.
It is hard to be a man. I am certain of it; to be a man in this world is not easy. I know you are thinking, But it's not easy to be a woman, and you are so right. But women get to complain and make others feel bad about their plight. Men have to suck it up. Good men suck it up and remain good-natured, constructive and helpful; less-good men become the kind of men who are spoofed on "The Man Show"--babe-watching, dope-smoking nihilists. (Nihilism is not manly, it is the last refuge of sissies.)
Then Peggy admits this, giving every man hope that he can reclaim the honored role of manhood again for our time and for the years to follow. Listen…
“I should discuss how manliness and its brother, gentlemanliness, went out of style. I know, because I was there. In fact, I may have done it. I remember exactly when: It was in the mid-'70s, and I was in my mid-20s, and a big, nice, middle-aged man got up from his seat to help me haul a big piece of luggage into the overhead luggage space on a plane. I was a feminist, and knew our rules and rants. "I can do it myself," I snapped.
It was important that he know women are strong. It was even more important, it turns out, that I know I was a jackass, but I didn't. I embarrassed a nice man who was attempting to help a lady. I wasn't lady enough to let him. I bet he never offered to help a lady again. I bet he became an intellectual, or a writer, and not a good man like a fireman or a businessman who says, "Let's roll."
Gentleman – it is time “to roll”; that is to “ROLE”, to fulfill our role to be the caring, available, serving, head of the household that “loves our wives as Christ loves the church”, “raises our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”, and “loves our neighbors as ourselves. If we do, we will not only reclaim the family, we will reclaim the testimony that God’s way is best for humanity, as found in a relationship with Christ. And we won’t have to worry about a competitor, a false lifestyle suitor, vying for the affection of our women and eliminating the institution of the family; namely the world.
Men are relevant – we just need to prove it again.